A moment of introspection.

I think that I managed to break out of my low ebb over the past couple of days. It’s strange the way my psyche tends to work, many of my friends have expressed concern that I may be a manic depressive, and sometime I find myself wondering if they’re right.

I tend to go through phases of general happiness and contentedness, and then through periods of total moroseness and lethargy. This is of course a common element of the human condition. However, I have never been able to quantify the reasons behind these swings. Those who go through periods of joy and sadness can usually link specific events to the start or end of a period of a set disposition. For example, a promotion leading to a period of happiness and general wellbeing, or the death of a loved one leading to a period of angst and sadness.

Of course, I have my outlook set by external events within the process of my life, I laugh when entertained, and am angered when mistreated, so naturally if events over which I have no control conspire against me and my wishes, I have a tendency towards frustration. Likewise, when things are going my way, happiness abounds.

The problem I have is that often times I can observe upon my outlook, an effect without a cause. Why, when nothing in particular has happened of late to cause me concern, do I find myself anxious and fretting? Or when nothing has happened to cause it, do I find myself lethargic, apathetic and depressive? One could say that without proper stimulation, the human mind’s tendency is to move towards a discontented state. In short, without anything new, or interesting in our lives, even negative events, we naturally drift towards the dark end of the mental spectrum.

This effect is often seen in many higher animals, we are frequently told how dogs must be kept amused and busy, and a bored parrot is a recipe for a ruined home. Why then is it, that if these fallow periods continue I can find myself drifting beyond the bounds of my dark introspection, and into the light of happiness and all other things Walt Disney? Again, without any cause, the event transpires anyway. I eventually rise from dark ashes and walk again amongst the sunlight, my disposition much improved, my life more full, and my day more active.

I have pondered this problem considerably, especially today as I seem to have once again come out of the low ebb of the cycle, despite continuing tensions at work and a precarious financial situation. Based upon all available evidence available to me at this time, I can come up with only one conclusion as to why my cyclic moods continue to rule my life, despite my best efforts.

I need to get laid. Badly.